Heather H's Blog

Time for a redo

2012-02-14T22:55:00.002-05:00

I started to "redo" my life and thought that weight loss would be all I needed. I have now realized I need a complete and total "redo".

I have a miserable marriage and have for a long time, but have stayed for so many reasons....I was too ugly to have anyone else, I didn't want to be alone, I was scared, I am poor, the girls, afraid of the judgements from others.......

Dumb, huh?

How do I get a "redo" and come out on top? I don't think it is possible, but I think I need to try.

Time

2008-10-27T11:52:00.003-04:00

So as any of you who may read this blog know I have not posted in a while. There are tons of reasons, but mostly because I haven't had the time. Between working full time during the day and reffing an average of 25 nights a month time is a bonus that I don't have. Sorry!
So what is new.......well - Haileigh is not only a gifted 4th grader, but she is also going to play on a Junior Olympic volleyball team this season, play basketball at the YMCA AND keep up with the swimming. She is still a tomboy, but lately has been asking for help with her hair (not the standard pony everyday) and picking out her clothes for school. Granted she wears jeans 90% of the time, but there have been a few dresses and skirts thrown in there!
Ashleigh is a crazy 3 year old!! Energetic doesn't even begin to describe this child. Plus - she is a ham who can get anyone to fawn all over her with her looks and smiles. She too is going to be playing basketball for the YMCA, which I think is going to be hysterical! I am hoping to get a video camera for myself on black Friday as I am sure there will be the potential to win $10,000 at one of these games.
Myself - well I have jumped back on the healthy eating and working out bandwagon. Hurting my back put a huge damper on the exercise thing, but I am now able to do most everything with only a little bit of discomfort. I have only lost 10lbs this month and still have a long way to go, but hopefully one day I won't be "the girl with the pretty face" anymore!

Conversations

2008-09-04T09:46:00.002-04:00

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and they go completely ape sh*t for no reason? I hate those. It seems to me that some people have superiority complexes so severe that no matter what you say, what your opinion is, or what your truth is you are wrong. Simple conversations lead to angry lectures by the other party. These types of people always assume the worst and always assume that they are right. We all have our areas of expertise, but just because you have a fancy degree, fancy title or years in a certain subject does not make you the all knowing grand puba of life.
Just food for thought.

Another school year begins

2008-09-02T08:38:00.003-04:00

I have decided to ignore any and all health issues and try to live life like a normal person. Depressing weight gain has been the result of being laid up for over a month so today I begin the quest to re lose it - again.
Today is the first day of school! Haileigh is now in the 4th grade and is in an all gifted class. I am hoping that will help her to make friends so that she can do the normal "girl" stuff like sleepovers etc. She has struggled some with friends in other classes since she doesn't have much interest in boys or Hannah Montana or cell phones etc. She would rather learn while in school. She loves riding the bus to and from school so that she has time to read and kids make fun of her for that. I knew that she was pretty advanced as far as intelligence for her age, but I really noticed it this summer. We went over to a friend of Sean's house to play and there were 3 other girls there that were Haileighs age. However, she spent her time playing with the baby and Ashleigh. After the evening was over I asked her why she didn't play with the other girls her age and her reply was "I don't like people like that". I asked her what she meant and she proceeded to tell me that they kept telling her that they were on their phones (yes these 8-9 year old girls had phones) with the Jonas brothers. Haileigh told them that they were lying and that made the girls mad. They also wanted to know why Haileigh didn't shave her legs or wear makeup. Uhh - because she is 9!! Wow. Sooo - needless to say they weren't all that good for her to be around. Hopefully being with kids that are more on her level will help.
Ashleigh also started her first day of preschool today. I walked her in and was a little afraid that she would not want to stay. Instead she told me to go "bye bye" before we even made it in the door. It is good to be loved.....
OK - time for some serious cleaning - or napping!!

Health

2008-08-19T10:27:00.002-04:00

So as many of you know I have been battling some back injury issues lately. However, what not everyone knows is that it is not only in my back. There is a lump (now dubbed my lovely lady lump by Barb) that has appeared below my left ribcage in the front. My lump hurts. It feels like there is something in there (duh). For those of you with children it feels like when the baby has their feet in your ribs.
The back pain is still there as well. Driving is incredibly painful as is sitting upright (think dinner chair). I can't bend over since I either have a shooting pain in my back OR my lump gets pinched. Sigh
I had a CT scan on Friday (I got to drink all sorts of stuff that Barb has to keep locked up at school and get injected with shell fish!). I get the results tomorrow - they wanted to give them to me in three weeks, but after much bitching on my part I got an earlier appt. Of course, per standard military health care I am seeing yet another Dr who has never met me before, but whatever. At this point in time I just want to know what it is and move on. I am getting pretty depressed her not being able to function like a normal person and I know Sean is very angry I can't clean like normal.
Keep your fingers crossed!

Getting Old

2008-08-05T17:26:00.002-04:00

So I hurt my back. Some of you might say - big whoop - you get hurt all the time, but this injury has been the WORST OF MY LIFE!! I swear I am telling the truth when I say I would rather deliver another baby WITHOUT an epidural than go through this again.
Apparently I am getting old (thanks Brianne) and that is why I am hurt. I irritated my back cleaning my super disgusting house (you know - the one I was not in for two months that my husband didn't know how to clean) since I had to do things like scrub walls, floors, toilets etc. The next day when I got ready to take the kids to the YMCA I picked up a bag of sunscreen and felt a shooting, stabbing pain in my mid/lower back. Whatever I thought - no biggie - I just had a stinger. WRONG! By late that afternoon I was no longer able to sit. I was not able to use the potty, sit up, drive, function like a normal human being. It has been the worst week of my life. The Dr. gave me two different types of muscle relaxers and vicodin. Said I needed to "wait it out and do gentle stretching". Yeah. Uh huh.
I have passed out on the potty from pain (stop laughing). I passed out trying to take a shower - not pretty.
I personally think my back did this as a response to a conversation I had two days prior. See, Barb has decided that the Mag 7 should all train for and do a 5K together. I am all for it and said "sure, I'll do it". I know that the Mag 7 won't make fun of me for my lack of speed or fancy running style so why the heck not? Well apparently my body does not like this idea and decided that severe punishment was necessary.
Coincidence? I think not.

No more blogging....

2008-07-07T21:25:00.000-04:00

....until someone leaves me a comment. I need motivation here people!

'cause Brianne said so....

2008-07-04T23:09:00.003-04:00

Brianne said I had to do this....

10 years ago I was:
Married, living in Puerto Rico and pregnant with my first child (My Haileigh!).

5 years ago I was:
Still married, living in VA and trying to get pregnant with my second child (My Ashleigh!) Actually that was pretty difficult since Sean was in Iraq fighting the "war".

1 year ago I was:
Visiting my fam in FL (and they were actually here unlike this year when I am here and they all went elsewhere).

Yesterday I was:
At the beach!

5 things on my two-do list today:
Well my day is over, so I will do the 5 things for tomorrow.
1-Beach
2-Beach
3-Beach
4-Beach
5-Work out.

5 snacks I enjoy:
1-Fruit
2-Yogurt
3-Cheesecake (it can be a snack!)
4-Cheese
5-Cheese Doodles (see a theme?)

If I were a billionaire I would:
Make sure that my family had enough money to do what they wanted to do. Live in a nice, but not ridiculous house where the best schools were for my kids. Finish my degree without the stress of having to work 3 jobs to do it. Get a LOT of surgery to make myself attractive. Get me a kept man!! :)

6 people I want to have lunch with tomorrow:
1-Grandma - I miss her so much!
2-Jason
3-Minda
4-Jesus
5-Jenna Jameson
6-The Mag 7

5 places I've lived:
1-St. Petersburg, FL
2-Salisbury, NC
3-Ceiba, Puerto Rico
4-Yigo, Guam
5-Chesapeake, VA

5 jobs I've had:
1-Mgr at McDonald's
2-Camp Counselor
3-Bartender
4-Volleyball Coach
5-Volleyball Referee

Oops - I forgot to blog!

2008-06-25T10:29:00.001-04:00

So the past few weeks have been crazy busy for me. Once I got here to FL I dropped the kids off with mom and then went to Orlando to ref the marathon call AAU Volleyball National Championships. It is a great tournament with some amazing teams, coaches and refs. It is fun, but draining! After those 8 days were over I came back here to St. Pete with Barb, Christina and Scott in tow. We had a fab night out on Sat (Christina will just have to take our word for it since she doesn't remember it).
I know this is short and sweet, but really - my two readers will be fine with it.
I am off to the beach again and once I am at the house alone I will give some more details (fun stories - an old ref that is insane, nights on the town, kids and cooking....).
Later!

Packing

2008-06-05T11:32:00.003-04:00

I am supposed to be packing to leave for the next 2 months. That's right - I am outta here for two months! It could be an interesting trip....I normally drive down to FL in one day, but this year I don't have anyone (an adult anyone) that wants to ride with me so I am on my own with the kiddos. I am a little concerned that if I do try to drive it in one shot Ashleigh might go stir crazy or I might possibly lose my mind being trapped in the car with my children. I love my children, but I am not sure I can listen to Ash whine for 15 hours. So, I decided to stop at a halfway point. I had planned on stopping in Savannah, but realized that I could save 30 bucks stopping at the SC/GA border. I will be staying at a Super 8 - suhweet!
Once I get there I will have one day of beachness and then to Orlando to ref the AAU Nationals. I did this tournament last year and it was very fun albeit exhausting! It is always a good time to work with my "peeps"! After the tourney I am headed back to St. Pete with Barb, Christina and Scott in tow. Scott will only be there for the weekend and he has to do the girlfriend thing ;) for most of it. Barb will be there until ?? and Christina will be there until the 26th. I am way excited to have my girls there with me!!
My mom has decided to bail and my kiddos and I and go to NC for the month of July - says a lot doesn't it? Actually - she hates FL in July so she is off to the mountains. I will be on my own with the kiddos, but it should be fun. You can't go wrong with the beach everyday!
My dad is taking myself, my kids and my sister on a cruise to Mexico in mid July. I am very excited, but also very nervous about this. As some of you know I get carsick just thinking about riding in a car (not driving - though I have gotten car sick while driving in the mountains). I am not so sure about the sea sick thing. When I was younger I was in a boat all the time and it never bothered me, but getting old might be a different story. Wish me luck!
Back to VA on July 28th so I can start teaching some v-ball reffing clinics, attend my college clinic and start the college season. Whew!
I will blog as much as I can and I am sure there are some fun ones coming!

Daughters first Triathlon

2008-06-02T15:19:00.002-04:00

So my nine year old completed her first triathlon this past weekend. As some of you know the rest of my family is a bit obsessive about this whole triathlon thing. If you hang around my family long enough you are bound to hear things like "I have to go run" or "I did a fartlik today" or "I hope the water temp is under 78 so I can wear a wetsuit". I am pretty sure the only triathlon I will ever do involves a sinking ship that forces me to swim a distance and then I find a bike on the island and start to ride to safety and I get a flat so I have to then run the rest of the way (and I would only be running if I am being chased by something I can't take down).
Anyway.....I was very proud of my girl this weekend. She loves swimming so that was pretty easy for her and the bike went well too. The run however in her terms "sucked" so she is def my daughter. She also crossed the finish line and promptly puked, but she finished!
I am going to leave it up to her if she ever wants to do another one or not. I will never force her to do any sport that she doesn't want to do, so we shall see what happens in the future - for now she is content to wear her puked on medal!

Petting our friends

2008-05-29T21:19:00.002-04:00

So at some point in time this past weekend Christina realized the Scott has nice arms. No, I don't mean nice looking, I mean nice FEELING arms. Why in the world she decided this I am not sure, but it was absolutely hysterical to watch her. She was sitting at the table with the group petting Scott. She didn't even realize she was doing it! Just sat there - stroke, stroke, stroke - with a look of contentment on her face. She then proceeded to try and "pass" his arm around to all of us so we could feel how wonderful it was. Uh - sure - nice arm Scott!
We are the Mag 7 and we pet Scott's arm - whacha gonna do 'bout it? HA!!!!

ECC/SAC

2008-05-27T10:33:00.003-04:00

In a nutshell this tournament sucked. Pay was low, play was crap on the girls side and you had to have a penis in order to ref the boys side of it. Stuff like that pisses me off. Especially when several of the boys coaches were asking me why I wasn't reffing boys (I told them because I have a va-jay-jay) and several of the old men that were there to ref came to see boys play FOR THE FIRST TIME! Ugh.
However, there were some fun and noteworthy events of the weekend.
First off - my room somehow was the only room on the hall with the entire Orlando Gold boys 15-16 team. That SUCKED! Stupid boys. Running up and down the hall at all hours of the night, banging on doors, screaming, setting volleyballs against the wall....first night I ignored it the best I could. Second night I went into the hall and asked how long they planned on continuing, third night I called security. The best part is I got to ref them on Monday - should have seen the look on the kids faces. I commented to one of them that even though they kept me up all night I would still be fair - if I could keep my eyes open. One of the dads heard me and asked for an explanation and I told him what had happened. He looked at his son and said "you can kiss you weekend plans away for a while". Yes! Oh and by the way Orlando Gold - you left your balls in Richmond. Suckers.
I have to go clean now, but I will continue this post later. Future topics include the a-hole coach and his son. Christina petting Scott. Great (crap) service at Ruby Tuesdays.
Peace.

Exercise

2008-05-22T11:06:00.002-04:00

So I don't know how to do anything half way. When I am reffing, I ref all the time, not just occasionally. If I cook, it is from scratch and with all of the fixings and sides. When I clean I can't just wipe stuff off and call it a day, I have to get every nook and cranny. This can cause issues in my life since there are many times that I don't do something (mainly cooking and cleaning) since I know that I don't have the time to do a complete job, and therefore I just don't do it at all. I know - OCD at it's best.
However, in the gym this obsession of mine is getting painful!
I was asked to play Open on Tues night AFTER I had already played my two matches (6 games with only 5 people). I of course said yes, because that is some real volleyball - not the crap league we are in with the old ladies. However, I didn't realize that I would be playing middle. I haven't played middle in forever - not that I can't, but I am too out of shape to do it very successfully for very long. Since it was Open though I had to suck it up and play. It was way fun, but way painful. By the time I was done with the 1st set there wasn't a dry spot on my body (yes - I sweat a LOT!) and by the end I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to make it up the stairs at home. I loved every minute of it! If I could play ball like that 5 days a week I would be in mad shape. Even though it is exhausting I never struggle to make myself do it like I do the gym. I am just not cut out for individual sports or working out alone, I need a team and a goal.
Sooo, what did brilliant addictive me do on Wed - you know that day after the great Open night - the day I struggled to walk normally since my ankles, knees and quads were on fire? The day I just left my hair down because my right shoulder was too sore to try to put my hair up? Oh yeah - I decided that I needed to go to the gym and do an hour of cardio. Uh huh. So an hour on the elliptical and I looked like I had gone swimming and been beaten while I did it. Ugh. It is all I can do to make it down the hall at school without whimpering the entire way. Sigh. I hate being out of shape!
Oh well - 5 hours until I am back at the gym.....

Slacker

2008-05-19T09:09:00.003-04:00

Yep - I have been slacking in he blog department. There are several excuses that include 1. I didn't feel like it. 2. I was teaching PE last week and not near my computer 3. There wasn't anything exciting to write about 4. PFFFFTTTTTT
Anyway - this past weekend I reffed at the Hampton Roads Invitational in Hampton, VA. This tournament used to be a HUGE tournament in Virginia Beach with 200 + teams. Last year it was at the Coliseum in Hampton and had 105 teams. This year it was at Boo Williams Sportsplex in Hampton and there were 60 teams. See a trend? The level of play has gone from pretty good to craptastic! The tournament director that took it over a few years ago uses some random seeding and tournament format that just isn't all the team friendly, is very confusing and pisses a lot of people off. However at 370 I will be there again next year if it exists.
I do however always have a good time when I am with my crew - although several were missed this weekend. However, when the play is this low you can have a lot more fun with your fellow ref and the kids too. For the most part they know they suck, they are usually nicer kids without the big egos of some of the better players and you don't have to work as hard reffing which allows you to do things like line judge for your buddies and help them with subs (thanks Barb!).
OK - I promise there is more to come later, but right now I need to go do some laundry and cleaning - me not being here on the weekend = disaster when I come back!

The "Weight" of it all

2008-05-07T21:29:00.003-04:00

I am still pretty sure that I am blogging to myself, which I guess qualifies me for some sort of federal assistance for the mentally unstable, however I am going to keep at it. Someday, somewhere someone will read this - decide I really am nuts and leave me a comment about it.
I digress....
So all of you out there that know me (snicker - I know me!) know that I am fat. Now, I wasn't always a fat girl, but I have always been a bigger girl. I am pretty sure that I was a boy in utero and at the last minute God changed his mind and gave me some poorly functioning ovaries and tiny boobs to make it seem like I was a girl. I cannot count the number of times I have heard (in my gym going/weightlifting days) "wow - you have quads like a dude" or "holy crap - I didn't know a girl could lift so much". Even now as a fatty I am still stupidly strong. Case in point. My super athlete youngest sister bought a kennel for her dog at Care A Lot and was struggling to try to pick it up (this chick could run circles around you AFTER she finished first in the triathlon) and I said "I got it" and effortlessly picked it up and put it on the cart. I am a freak.
Anyway - back to the fat. So as I am getting ready to go on a journey of singledom (yes - I made that word up) I have realized that fat chicks never get a guy. Also - I don't want my kids to be embarrassed to be around me in public. Lastly - I want to live a long life, not die young because I am fat. All of these made me decide to start working out again and eating right. So I should be losing mad amounts of weight right? WRONG! Did this for about 5 weeks and didn't lose a single freaking pound. WTF!!! So off to the Dr I go. He thinks I am in there for a referral to gastric, but that is not at all what I want. See, I don't have all of the "bad" things that go along with being a fatty. My resting blood pressure is usually around 105 over 70. My sugar is normal. I don't have any edema. My cholesterol is in the low normal range. The Doc ran a bunch of blood work and what we found was in essence my metabolism was not working - at all. All numbers were either normal or low EXCEPT for my insulin. Sugar was totally normal. He got all scientific on me, but it basically amounted to the fact that my body won't let me lose weight.
I am now on two different meds - one to fix the insulin problem (metaformin) and one to jump start the metabolism (can't spell it - but it is basically legalized speed). One week in of the drugs and I am down 4 lbs.
Only 96 more to go!!

Reading

2008-05-06T10:24:00.002-04:00

I am a reader. I love to read. I of course have my favorite authors, but have been known to read the back of a shampoo bottle for entertainment. When my schedule allows I read approximately one to two books a week. Generally in the bathroom (hard to find quiet in a house with two kids and two dogs) or before I go to bed at night.
Today I am subbing a 9th grade English class and they are reading the book Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank. The lesson plan left for me was to have the students read aloud approx 10 pages. These have been the most painful and sad 10 pages that I have ever heard!! These kids can't read!! They are having to stop and ask for help with words like "consume" and "automatic" and "electricity". Are you kidding me!! I know that my reading skills were advanced for my age as a kid, but these kids can't read basic English words - as a 9th grader!! I just can't imagine how they have gotten this far in school without being able to read at a very basic level.
I am shocked and saddened - this is our future folks - be afraid.

The Rumble

2008-04-27T15:42:00.004-04:00

I reffed only one day of the Revolutionary Rumble this year. I usually don't ref if I have to pay for a sitter, but I need to get used to it since Sean will be back fighting the "war" in Iraq within the next year.
I am not sure why, but at this tournament the parents are INSANE! The first year I reffed it I had to eject a parent/coach from NVVA for pushing one of the players into the bleachers out of anger. Last year I had to eject a parent for cursing at one of the line judges (who was a 14 year old girl). Yesterday I had an entire group of parents moved behind a wall for yelling at and SPITTING on the server from the other team. The bleachers were right behind the server and I guess the RVC parents decided that made it OK for them to do. The kids were on a 15 and under team which makes most of them 14 and some 13. WTF people!! I don't let my own children act like that and I certainly wouldn't even think to behave that way. Especially to a CHILD! What is this sport coming too? Volleyball used to be the "good" sport. We don't have to have cops at our games like basketball, soccer, hockey etc. We had fun and cheered and laughed and enjoyed the sport. Now? Ugh. It is disgusting. Parents acting like fools. Coaches getting their rocks off coaching little girls. Bleh.
Sigh - back to laundry. Rant for the day - over.

A Typical Friday Night

2008-04-25T21:19:00.003-04:00

There was a point in time in my life when I was fun. Very very fun. I wish I was still fun, but I guess everyone gets to a point in time in their life that they have to accept that they are old and not fun anymore.
Sean is out of town (more on that subject later) and it is just the kiddos and me tonight. We went to our (well my) fav restaurant of the moment to eat - Tijuana Flats. Then we came home - bathed them and off to bed at 9:30 pm. That is a late night for both of them when they are with me since I DO enforce the 8:30 bedtime. It is about 10 minutes after they went to bed and I am off to bed myself. I am reffing tomorrow in Williamsburg all day and have to be up at ass-crack 30 (5:30) so I do need to get some sleep. I also taught PE all day (OK - I took the kids outside and let them do whatever while I attempted to get a little color) so I am beat. So yeah - bed by 10pm on a Friday night.
I used to be fun. Very very fun. I swear!

Here I go!

2008-04-24T08:00:00.000-04:00

It seems to be that everyone has a blog no matter what they have to say and I decided that I needed to be one of those people. Who knows if anyone will even read it. Who really cares? This may be therapeutic. Hopefully I won't embarrass myself.

So I hit the gym yesterday - did some interval training. Don't get too excited there folks - my version of interval training is 30 min on treadmill - running 1, walking 3. Wooohhhooo. I know - I should simmer down.... I also did 30 min on the bike. I love the bikes at my gym because they have a TV attached to them and you "ride" the course on the screen. When you go up a hill it feels like you are going up a hill. If you don't pay attention to what you are doing you will stear yourself off into the grass. Sadly, when you pass someone if you try to run into them you actually just go through them. They don't allow you to run people off the road. sigh.

My final for ASL is tonight so I had better do some studying. There is more to come people - don't worry!